Pypsy’s Bangor, Wales Tour Diary

Observe the sons of Bangor marching towards North Wales

In the beginning, God created the heavens and the Earth. On the second day, he created two cities. Honourable and great in stature, yet on an inescapable collision course. Bangor, Northern Ireland and Bangor, Wales. Often mixed up, constantly confused for one another, but despite the uniformity in names the foundations of each city and the people who inhabit them are wholly different. This is the account of the pilgrimage from Down to Gwynedd and the festivities and cricket that ensued. This is the unabridged story of the Battle of the Irish Sea – Bangor v Bangor.

At the crack of dawn, the motley crew of merry Bangor men arose and began their journey towards destiny. Convening at the port in Dublin, the team, sustained by a diet of Brekky rolls and Croissants, turned their attention towards the historic fixture against their namesakes Bangor (Wales) awaiting them on the other side of their crossing. Skipper Jonny Parker immediately abandoned his troops in search of fame and fortune, as he was interviewed by BBC Radio Wales about the Everest that faced our heroes. Will Simpson had initially been asked to perform the interview, but refused stating he only attends interviews where “his solicitor is present”.

The first great challenge of the day arose a mere few nautical miles away from the shores of Wales. The lady from the Café on the ship reliably informed the team that a Stena Line boat was blocking their entrance to the Port of Holyhead, leaving the men stranded on the ferry for an hour and a half longer than intended. The pilgrims began to consider how many overs would be lost. Would they be arriving to play a 30 over game? Perhaps a T20? Would a Bowl Off be their only option due to time constraints? If anything, it seemed the match had gained overs, as the umpires were optimistic about the prospects for a 45 over game. Captain Parker came out of negotiations with a compromise in hand of a 40 over game and after the toss the wearied warriors of Bangor took to the field to bowl.

One cannot deny the beauty of the setting. The surrounding mountains, illuminated by the blazing sun, coupled with a beautiful pavilion and pitch populated by punters who had been given a full seat, yet only required the edge of it with the excitement of a scintillating cricketing experience that they were about to be treated to.

Michael Skelly and Chris Pyper worked in tandem to take two early wickets in the opening stages of the game both caught as a result of guileful swing and seam, combined with searing pace. Skelly’s outstanding efforts were rewarded when he bagged a second wicket as his bouncer was sent sky high. The whole crowd held their breath as Max Escott moved gingerly towards the ball, looking unsure if he had ever seen one of these mysterious flying objects before. The batsman bowed his head believing his fate to be sealed, Escott’s teammates were not so sure, believing they’d seen this play before. Escott’s bravery prevailed as he caught the ball on its descent much to the jubilation of his compatriots. The pilgrims were now in control.

The Australian number three and South African overseas pro began to settle the innings. Showing great poise and control and making use of the lightning outfield the total advanced to 95-3 at drinks. New signings Manav Chhabra and Angus Farrell did well to restrict them with great discipline in the middle overs. Time moved on and with it so did Bangor batsmen. After the retirement of two batsmen new challengers arrived at the crease. Farrell would waste no time in removing one of said batsmen caught at mid off. This is truly one of the great moments in every young cricketers career, his first Bangor wicket. An understandably emotional Angus was congratulated by teammates, years of hard work and dedication had culminated in this moment. After finally freeing himself from the purgatory of CIYMS into the life giving light of Bangor Cricket Club on the gold coast, Angus had now arrived. Congratulations young man, the only words this humble match reporter can offer you are those of President John F. Kennedy. “Ask not what your club can do for you, but what you can do for your club.

Speaking of dreams, Teddy McIlwaine got the opportunity to field for the first team for a few overs. He received his first opportunity to touch a ball as one trickled towards him at point. Surely this would be a great moment for the young man, his father, our chairman and supreme leader Peter McIlwaine watched on with glee in his eyes as his son was about to have his first involvement, history was just in front of him, beckoning him through the door. Skelly was having none of this however and sprinted hastily to cut off McIlwaine and field the ball himself. Boos echoed throughout the crowd as stewards held supporters back. The crowd bayed for blood, for Skelly’s head on a platter and were only subdued by the fact that Skelly simply does not know any better. Disgusting actions which have no place in our club.

Max Escott, Andrew Pyper, Conor Cox, and tour manager Will Simpson all bowled tightly and with great skill. Flight, dip, turn, swing, speed, drift and accuracy were all present in varying dosages throughout each man’s spell. Special mention must go to Manav Chhabra who put on an imperious bowling display, but went home wicketless. He even stepped in to save Michael Skelly, who couldn’t finish his final spell because of a sore heel. The injury was related to him becoming accustomed to County Cricket facilities since becoming best friends with Rehan Ahmed whilst net bowling at Leicestershire CCC over the winter.

The Welsh Bangorians finished on 234 and after Tea Sam McMillan and Jonny Parker went out to open the batting. McMillan was the early aggressor with a display of alluring strokemaking. Disaster struck soon after though, as a short ball crept up on McMillan, who top edged it to third man for 19. Across the water, rumour has it a smile came over his father’s face upon hearing the news, believing that this was an early success for him on his quest to regain the batting cup.

Wickets fell at regular intervals but not without flashes of brilliance from Simpson, Chhabra and Farrell. Nathan Belshaw had a brief cameo at the crease, disheveled after using anything but his hands as a stand-in wicket keeper. After attempting two scoops, Belshaw went for the lower percentage shot of a front foot drive and was castled. Parker was later joined at the crease by Michael Skelly, who managed to go out and wield the willow marking the greatest comeback since Lazarus. Parker eventually went for 34 after anchoring the innings steadfastly and with admirable application.

Skelly would then pick up where Parker left off with much less subtlety. Clearing the front leg and striking it down the ground at will. It was either fearlessness or folly which fuelled Skelly’s knock but by the end of the game he had matched Parker’s 34, thanks in no small part to the indomitable spirit of Conor Cox who conducted the final stages of the innings as if it were a masterful symphony in what was arguably a man of the match performance from the 2s skipper.

In the end, our heroes came second, but acquitted themselves well. They represented the club with the utmost dedication that the gryphons on their chests call for. But this is not where our story ends, for this is a mini tour after all. The laws of physics state that every action has an equal, opposite reaction. The evening that ensued is that reaction, a night filled with wonder, drama, excess, terrible dancing, substandard nightclubs and above all carnage.

The night began at Wetherspoons, where we were joined by our umpire for the day. International drinking rules were in play and Nathan Belshaw, high on a power trip was demanding choppage of drinks left right and centre. Naturally, this only fuelled the fun of the evening as drinks flowed and there were laughs aplenty.

The night progressed as the pilgrimage lead them to another bar where the plot thickened. This was a time where a Bangorian spirit of love overcame each man, with every person embracing one another at regular intervals and “I love you mate” was the most common sentence spoken. Between jäger bombs, the boys would dazzle locals with their elegant dance moves (some proved more supple than others). Sam McMillan being the true highlight with a boogie style that can only be described as “gluten free”.

The climax of the night was in the trilogy nightclub. Dominance was asserted from the outset as Jonny Parker, beginning to forget he is indeed an educator, took out a mortgage and got the fellas a VIP table. Forget Jay-Z or the Kardashians in a luxury section of a high profile nightclub. This was more akin to a Love Island Star making an appearance in Betty Blacks, but slightly less glamorous. The dominance continued on the dance floor, as Gus Farrell put in a performance John Cena would be proud of, clotheslining unsuspecting punters at will with his erratic dancing style. An impromptu royal rumble was defused by mother hens Will Simpson and Andrew Pyper. The group was in disarray and although by the end they were separated in body, in spirit they were more united than ever. Some of the boys found themselves in Mr Yummy’s kebab house, the finest eatery in all of Bangor, to indulge in some of the local cuisine. Chris Pyper and Angus Farrell brought closeness to new heights, feeding each other their late night supper, almost losing fingers in the process. The Judge, who had been skulking around the town looking for any alcoholic beverage in sight to chop, somehow survived the evening despite his mix of Jäger, vodka and red bull being his tipple of choice in the end. Will Simpson and Manav Chabra nursed Sam McMillan back to health and after scouring the streets for some sort of gluten free grub, they settled on a humble dominos which came unsliced and thus McMillan ate like a sandwich all folded up, dipping in garlic & herb at regular intervals. Cox, Skelly and Escott found themselves in a late night pool bar. Escott nursed a water as he looked every bit like a man who had been awake for the best part of 24 hours.

As for Parker, he was operating somewhere between Planet Earth as we know it and the shadow realm. The last time he was seen was barely alive, fully clothed and asleep on top of his bed.

As I sit here aboard the Ulysses ferry, a ship named after James Joyce’s magnum opus whilst I sit here making my own, a simple reflection has occurred to me. There are few things more special than a group of mates, who love their club and love each other spending intense time together. Friendships are forged in the fire much like a strong metal and nothing is more fiery than a dingy welsh nightclub. As for our club, the spirit of Bangor lives on through men such as these, who play hard, party hard and can turn each and every occasion into a vintage BCC adventure. Until the next one…..

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